The secret fuel that colors life everywhere, from office corridors to family WhatsApp groups, which even those who claim they never do it at least eavesdrop on: Gossip. Our moral compass immediately tells us that this is a dirty, shameful act to be avoided. And we are right; when targeted, it can create a situation that hurts and shatters trust. So, what is it that makes gossip so condemned today yet indispensable for coffee breaks, lunches, and midnight texts actually do to our souls?
Could gossip be not just a moral flaw, but also a hidden psychological safety belt that lightens the heavy burden of loneliness and stress upon a person?
Even though anthropologists look at its history, today psychologists say that gossip serves a much more practical function for the modern individual: Emotional detox and bonding.
People today feel an incredible sense of loneliness and alienation amidst crowds. The stress of life, hierarchical pressures at work, uncertainties... Right at that point, two people putting their heads together and saying, "Look what they did!" creates an instantaneous "us and them" wall woven between them. Sharing that secret, flowing that little piece of gossip gives the brain an immediate relief, a sense of belonging of "I am not alone, I am part of the group."
In fact, some psychological studies show that light level gossiping lowers stress hormones in the brain and even acts as a social glue bringing people closer together. Because laying our own troubles on the table through another's life is the cheapest and most comfortable way to look at our own lives from the outside.
The most ironic psychological dimension of the matter is that while talking behind someone's back, we are actually mostly talking about ourselves.
While gossiping about a colleague's ambition, an acquaintance's strange relationship, or a relative's wrong decision, we actually test our own moral boundaries and fears. The phrase "I would never do that" is the modern human's effort to hide their inner insecurities, justify themselves, and prove that they are on the "right path." Gossip is a tune-up we pull on our own souls through the flaws of others.
If gossip is done to consciously destroy a person's reputation, feed on their weakness to satisfy one's own ego, or plot against them, it is not a spiritual relief, but an unacceptable harmful behavior.
However, two friends putting the weird, funny, and helpless states of human nature on the table without causing real harm to anyone, and laughing by saying "People are so strange, aren't they?" is one of the most human forms of unburdening in the rush of modern life.
Trying to completely uproot gossip from our lives means denying the curious, observant, and story seeking side of human nature. Actually, perhaps the key is not avoiding gossip, but having the curiosity to learn that drives gossip not to destroy people, but to entertain ourselves, have fun, and have a good time which can increase our quality of life.
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